if i knew all the
letters, i could spell my name. (jason mraz, 0% talent)
i'm lamer than my fans give me credit for (john mayer, lamer than my
fans)
i bare my windowed self, untamed and untalented . . . (jason mraz)
don't try to tune my guitar, i'm tone deaf (evanescence, goodbye)
see, you and me have a better time when the radio is off (DuMB, the
best
of what's around)
another whole
box of
pandora's
There's something in the
way you sing that makes me feel ill, your lyrics
confuse me, you and your thesis abuse my brain . . . after an
afternoon
with you my ears bleed red (jason mraz, after an afternoon of bad
music)
Your music weighs on me as heavy as stone . . . I was just wondering
if
you'd come along to hold up my hair in the bathroom after I listen to
your
album . . . I'll do the same if the same's what you want . . . (DuMB,
the
stoner)
Good news! Not quite as pukey today! Bad news! Itchy! Burny!
Our ship docked in Key West today, so the lovely and talented Sarahk and I decided to take in the sights of the "Conch Republic" (pronounced 'KWEER-VILLE').
After forcing down some lunch, my stomach hasn't entirely recovered yet, we decided to split up for the afternoon. Sarahk would get a massage at a local spa while I joined a small group on a snorkeling expedition. As it turned out, I should have opted for a facial. The snorkeling itself was great (I will post some pictures from my disposable underwater camera when I get the film developed)--it was only after we returned to the ship that the unpleasentness began.
You see, shifting ocean currents sometimes bring pinhead-sized larvae (commonly refered to as "sea lice") near the shore. If you are unfortunate enough to swim into a group of "sea lice", as I was, your swimsuit acts like a net to trap the larvae. The friction of your swimsuit and body creases causes the nematocysts of the "sea lice" to fire and sting you. If I had been swimming "au natural" I wouldn't have had any problems, but modesty prevented that--not to mention I think the dive master was a little on the 'Conchish' side, and there were several schools of hungry looking fish in the vicinity.
I didn't feel anything while we were actually snorkeling--it was only about 3 hours later when the intense itching began. At first I ignored it , but as the itching became more and more intense, and a noticeable rash began to form on my, um, backside, and, um, other swimsuit areas, I went to the ship doctor. He knew right away what it was and gave me some antihistamine and hydrocortisone cream. The rash should resolve within a week, and poses no long term health dangers, but it itches like the dickens and I likely will have difficulty sleeping for a few days. A pox upon your house, Aquaman!
PS: Sarahk got slightly over-exfoliated at the spa. STOP SPENDING ALL MY MONEY, WOMAN! I mean, the poor baby.
PPS: The swelling that went with the rash is quite impressive! But sorry ladies and 'Conchish' guys, there won't be any photos of that, at least none I'm sharing with you ronin. But I will share a pic of the rash--not for the faint of heart . . .
"i'll never let the door hit
your behind on the way out" Mayer, Your Body is a Sweat Gland
"fist to face . . . mace to eyes . . . baton to head . . . chest to ground
. . . you're under arrest punk." Mraz, After an Afternoon of Protesting
"well i've heard a thousand things come out of your face, but i stopped
listening when i needed some space" Mraz, 1000 Things Said Is 993 Too Many
"i'd rather starve than eat your mystery meat" Mayer, My Stupid Songs
"i know you're a mime mime mime, but you do it so badly it bores ofttimes"
Mayer, Your Body Has Gotten Out of Hand
"unfortunately you will diss me and i'll diss you back" Mraz, 1000 Things
Better Left Unsaid
"get me to an emergency room! baby you, you've got my only heart!" Mayer,
Open Heart Surgery
"i'm absolutely definite absolutely positive absolutely definitely
positively redundant." Mraz, Did I Fool Ya Into Buying This Blech?
"there's something in the way you laugh that makes my ears bleed" Mraz,
After an Afternoon With You My Ears Bleed
"you can be glad in the morning, i'll sneak out the back, and leave you
alone here. i'm ice cold baby." Mayer, Music Retread
"i'm sleeping to dream about your twin sister, i'm so tired of having to
live with your nagging." Mraz, Sleeping to Dream of Another
"i can't survive on the breath you are finished with--too much CO2" Mayer,
Come Back With My Scuba Gear
"i called because I just need to hear myself on the line." Mayer, Split
Pesonality Madness
a long-awaited
end
face in palm ... tear to
tear ... fingers in ears ... heart to ground ...
i am in love with myself ... (jason mraz, after an afternoon of bad
music)
there's no place to hide from our music (nickel creek, this side of
hades)
how wonderful life is while I'm asleep (elton john, your song)
you're sour as crab apples, you must not be the one. (chantal
kreviazuk,
crab apples)
Don't you remember? We built
this city . . . we built this city on rock an' roll . . .
Clowns never laughed before, beanstalks never grew. Ponies never ran
before. 'Till I met you.
All right stop collaborate and listen I'm back with my brand new
invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly Flow like a harpoon daily and
nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
My lovely horse, running through the field, Where are you going, with
your
fetlocks blowing in the wind? I want to shower you with sugar lumps,
and
ride you over fences. Polish your hooves every single day, and bring
you
to the horse dentist. My lovely horse, you're a pony no more. Running
around with a man on your back, like a train in the night, like a
train in
the niiigghhtttt. . .
Get My Lovely Horse
Here
