if i knew all the
letters, i could spell my name. (jason mraz, 0% talent)
i'm lamer than my fans give me credit for (john mayer, lamer than my
fans)
i bare my windowed self, untamed and untalented . . . (jason mraz)
don't try to tune my guitar, i'm tone deaf (evanescence, goodbye)
see, you and me have a better time when the radio is off (DuMB, the
best
of what's around)
another whole
box of
pandora's
There's something in the
way you sing that makes me feel ill, your lyrics
confuse me, you and your thesis abuse my brain . . . after an
afternoon
with you my ears bleed red (jason mraz, after an afternoon of bad
music)
Your music weighs on me as heavy as stone . . . I was just wondering
if
you'd come along to hold up my hair in the bathroom after I listen to
your
album . . . I'll do the same if the same's what you want . . . (DuMB,
the
stoner)
Things have been pretty great on the honeymoon, if you discount all the puking, itching and burning and other itches which have not been getting the attention they need because of the puking itching and burning.
When I say things have been pretty great on the honeymoon, I mean for the most part, everybody on a cruise is genereally in a fairly good mood, assuming no ninja monkey attacks occur. I wasn't allowed to bring any guns or knives or swords on board. So to defend myself and my honey bunny snoogy woogums, the lovely and talented Sarahk Fle- Hah! you monkey ninjas thought I was going to reveal my last name and the source of all my power! HAH NEVER!, ahem. Anyway, to protect us I will have to use the most dangerous weapon I own, the one they can't take away, my mind. I was told by the snippy "security" types I would get all my weapons back when we return to port. So while we are at sea, I will have to use my mind to defeat the ninja monkeys should they attack. Nobody else ever expects them. I always do.
They took my guns etc but they can't take my mind away , but I swear I think somebody is trying to make me lose it, instead. Being the religious Christian types we are, Sarahk and I have been saying merry Christmas when people wish us happy holidays or season's greeting or whatever else. Some smile and nod, others have just sort of stared at us and froze up like we'd cast an 'Immobulus' spell on them. This was especially true of the Disney crew. We thought it was odd. Then, ths morning we find this that someone slid under the door of our stateroom.
[I had a photo of this but looked like crap so I typed it in]
Disney Cruise Guests
This is the joyous holiday season. We hope you are enjoying the season during your stay aboard. We would like to ensure all our guests are comfortable in every way during their time with us but even more so during the holidays.
We want everyone to enjoy this time in whatever way they observe or don't observe holidays during this time of the year. To this end, we have assembled a list of holiday greetings that are least likely to offend others. We request that you use them exclusively or none at all during your journey with us.
Happy Holidays! Seasons Greetings! Happy Hannukah! Wonderful Winter Solstice! Happy New Year! Feliz Navidad! (if you are a native Spanish speaker) Have a Joyous Kwanzaa! Happy Ramadan!
Thank you for your cooperation. Enjoy your cruise with us. Your Cruise Director Jamie Farr
Well, Happy Holicraptacular to you Disney! or Should I say DEM-sney. What kind of leftwing liberal PC muckadoo mindscramble is this? Telling us we can say EVERY possible holiday greeting imaginable EXCEPT for Merry Christmas?
What the freak?
You know what? We've wished everyone we've run into a very merry Christmas ever since we got this piece of trash under the door. See how you like them greetings, Chairman Mouse.
With the way things were going I thought I would get a nasty sunburn to be the red to go with my nausea green. But it turned out to just be anti-muckadoo anger that has really chafed my butt, other than the see lice. GRRRRRRRR!
"i'll never let the door hit
your behind on the way out" Mayer, Your Body is a Sweat Gland
"fist to face . . . mace to eyes . . . baton to head . . . chest to ground
. . . you're under arrest punk." Mraz, After an Afternoon of Protesting
"well i've heard a thousand things come out of your face, but i stopped
listening when i needed some space" Mraz, 1000 Things Said Is 993 Too Many
"i'd rather starve than eat your mystery meat" Mayer, My Stupid Songs
"i know you're a mime mime mime, but you do it so badly it bores ofttimes"
Mayer, Your Body Has Gotten Out of Hand
"unfortunately you will diss me and i'll diss you back" Mraz, 1000 Things
Better Left Unsaid
"get me to an emergency room! baby you, you've got my only heart!" Mayer,
Open Heart Surgery
"i'm absolutely definite absolutely positive absolutely definitely
positively redundant." Mraz, Did I Fool Ya Into Buying This Blech?
"there's something in the way you laugh that makes my ears bleed" Mraz,
After an Afternoon With You My Ears Bleed
"you can be glad in the morning, i'll sneak out the back, and leave you
alone here. i'm ice cold baby." Mayer, Music Retread
"i'm sleeping to dream about your twin sister, i'm so tired of having to
live with your nagging." Mraz, Sleeping to Dream of Another
"i can't survive on the breath you are finished with--too much CO2" Mayer,
Come Back With My Scuba Gear
"i called because I just need to hear myself on the line." Mayer, Split
Pesonality Madness
a long-awaited
end
face in palm ... tear to
tear ... fingers in ears ... heart to ground ...
i am in love with myself ... (jason mraz, after an afternoon of bad
music)
there's no place to hide from our music (nickel creek, this side of
hades)
how wonderful life is while I'm asleep (elton john, your song)
you're sour as crab apples, you must not be the one. (chantal
kreviazuk,
crab apples)
Don't you remember? We built
this city . . . we built this city on rock an' roll . . .
Clowns never laughed before, beanstalks never grew. Ponies never ran
before. 'Till I met you.
All right stop collaborate and listen I'm back with my brand new
invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly Flow like a harpoon daily and
nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
My lovely horse, running through the field, Where are you going, with
your
fetlocks blowing in the wind? I want to shower you with sugar lumps,
and
ride you over fences. Polish your hooves every single day, and bring
you
to the horse dentist. My lovely horse, you're a pony no more. Running
around with a man on your back, like a train in the night, like a
train in
the niiigghhtttt. . .
Get My Lovely Horse
Here
