if i knew all the
letters, i could spell my name. (jason mraz, 0% talent)
i'm lamer than my fans give me credit for (john mayer, lamer than my
fans)
i bare my windowed self, untamed and untalented . . . (jason mraz)
don't try to tune my guitar, i'm tone deaf (evanescence, goodbye)
see, you and me have a better time when the radio is off (DuMB, the
best
of what's around)
another whole
box of
pandora's
There's something in the
way you sing that makes me feel ill, your lyrics
confuse me, you and your thesis abuse my brain . . . after an
afternoon
with you my ears bleed red (jason mraz, after an afternoon of bad
music)
Your music weighs on me as heavy as stone . . . I was just wondering
if
you'd come along to hold up my hair in the bathroom after I listen to
your
album . . . I'll do the same if the same's what you want . . . (DuMB,
the
stoner)
this is a great site where you can compare your height to famous people
how do you measure up? tell me how tall you are, and i'll add you to the chart:
a lifetime of using strawberry suave has finally caught up to me. my once abundant locks have dwindled in both quantity and quality--here is a horrifying pic of my brush and tub drain--yikes!
if you have followed my blog for any length of time, you will have noticed a marked decrease in the condition of my hairstyle
this was 8 months ago:
this was last week
and the Amarillo Hair Restoration Institute has entered my hair data into the IBM super computer at Texas A&M and concluded that this is what my hair will look like by summer:
there is hope however--with your monetary support, i can invest in a hair system that will preserve my once youthful and carefree appearance--please give generously!!
minerva and i had a bit of a traumatic time trying to get to Fort Worth yesterday but we are all better now. getting on the highway, there was mucho ice-o, and my car slid completely off the on-ramp. then across the access road, thankfully an empty access road. the car turned sideways and had me headed straight into the field on the other side of the access road, i felt the two left tires lift off the ground and thought, "hmm. i guess i'm gonna learn what it’s like to roll an SUV." meanwhile, Minerva was freaking out in the back, yelling at me. i steered into the spin and the tires set back down. everything was fine, but i felt horrible about my already freaked-out cat actually having reason to freak out. Minerva wouldn't look at me, wouldn't speak to me. when i took her out of the car, i noticed she’d peed all over everything back there. i couldn't blame her.
here is a most hideous picture of me in my band uniform. judging by the baby face, i'm thinking junior year, 11 years ago. it was a little embarassing having the only instrument in the band manufactured by fisher price, but luckily my band members didn't bust my chops too much. i changed hairstyles in the mid-90s, after the CFCs from my hairspray dropped the mean temperature by 4.7 degrees in Fort Worth.
that was so cool when that guy with ball on that show that's on monday did a homerun and won the game at the end of the period of play--can't wait for the playoffs! the cup will be ours! go dolfins!
FLORIDA (AP) - A giant sinkhole opened up beneath a small office building in central Florida on Saturday. The hole appeared when imao.us posted its latest update. "All of the sudden there was rumbling and a loud sucking sound," noted an imao.us representative. The ground opened up and grew to 50 feet deep and at least 150 feet wide. "It has not stabilized yet, so I'm sure its going to get a lot bigger unless we can cut that T1 line" a county official said on condition of anonymity.
gather round, gather round, ladies & gents & spacemonkeys--it's time for the Carnival of the Recipes! hosted by me!! hooray!! the Carnival is huge this week, so let's jump right in and get started--after, that is, we read a little Carnival haiku:
recipes coming
into my g-mail account
goodness for my musers
so much looks so good
mouthwatering yummy good
no butterfingers?!?!?
i saw a bald eagle sitting by the side of the road on my trip back yesterday!
and today i'm hosting the Carnival of Recipes!
we will start off dinner by drinking something good, so come on, be a winner, try this:
fill a glass up to the top with ice, then pour in a slightly chilled diet coke--let the ice melt for about 15 minutes, then enjoy! by the time you get to the bottom, all the ice should have melted into the diet coke--yummy!
now, the main course: Bald Eagle Fricassee
close all the curtains in your house--check for mysterious vans parked in street
pluck and gut bald eagle and save head and talons for garnishment
place eagle breast up on a flat rack in a shallow pan, 2 to 2-1/2 inches deep.
brush skin with oil to enhance moistness and golden color.
insert oven-safe meat thermometer
place in a preheated 325°F oven.
Net Weight (in pounds) Cook for (in hours)
10 pto 18 3-3/4 to 4-1/2
18 to 22 4-1/2 to 5
22 to 24 5 to 5-1/2
24 to 30 5-1/2 to 6-1/4
when you're done, bury remains in woods out of sight of game wardens
if captured, claim you're a native american engaged in an ancient ritual--enjoy!
today i came home from therapy to grab my dish for our firm Christmas party, and i started hearing a loud racket from the other room. i was sure it was the bebe, so i called her. she came running in, and i still heard the noise. it was coming from the roof . . .
so we were driving to Fort Worth yesterday, and somewhere around Haslet, Mr. Goofy Head was getting my makeup out of my purse for me (since it's his job to hold my purse, and i was driving, so i didn’t want to look for the makeup). during this purse-holding incidence, Mr. Dummy Noggin said, "hey, what's this? Tiger . . . Balm."
i grinned and said, "don't put that in your eyes." he opened it and took a whiff of that glorious Tigery scent and said, "i'm not gonna do that, Cutie Head." he then proceeded to apply the Tiger Balm to his lips like . . . lip balm.
Blogging from a Texas rest stop, and gotta make this quick since SarahK says we're running late.
We're going to Fort Worth so that I can meet spidade. I've been thinking of how I should approach this, and have decided on a strategy. When I get there and he reaches out to shake my hand, I'm going to brush it aside and stick my finger in his chest. I'll tell him that I'm a man's man and not to patronize me, and that he better not get any ideas about butting into my relationship with SarahK. THEN I'll shake his hand, tell him my friends call me Buck, and send SarahK off to the kitchen to get us a couple ice cold Alamo beers. We'll relax in front of the t.v. to watch the Hee Haw marathon, and by the end of the day he'll treat me with the respect I deserve.
I think its a great plan. If you have any suggestions pass them on--I might need to stop at the rest area once more before we get there. SarahK made dinner for me last night, and, well, you know . . .
Gotta go, I need to hold SarahK's purse while she's in the can.
yes, i know what you're thinking--he's nuts, there's no way i'm going to watch this garbage, blah blah blah. and before i picked this movie up back in the mid-1990s because everything else was gone off the shelves, i would have agreed with you. i hated the pat character on snl, i hated everything julia sweeney ever did before or since, i had no idea who dave foley was (because kids in the hall sucks), and i generally hate the rest of the cast as well. the first time i watched it i was completely amazed. it was a work of comic genius. how did this sweet lovely orchid rise from such a grotesque steaming pile of shite? i don't know, and i don't care. you just have to see it. i have seen the movie at least a couple dozen times and own it. i push it on everyone i know, and generally people have a favorable reaction (though normally not as strong as mine).
my favorite moment: well, there are too many to mention, and i don't want to give anything away, but one that comes to mind is that pat falls down the stairs and groans "ooohh, my nuts!" then pulls a handful of crushed walnuts out of its pocket. also, the creepy neighbor's doll is awesome.
keep your eyes open near the end for a pre-x-files mitch pileggi playing a buffed up-bald-concert guard. he's barely recognizable. enjoy. seriously. go rent it!
i love jewelry unless it goes around my neck--because i normally can't stand to have anything touching my neck. but when Mr. Wonderful got off the plane last night, and gave me a beautiful necklace imported from Da Pong, Thailand i just had to make an exception . . .
here's the beautiful case it came in . . .
here i am modeling it . . .
not only is it beautiful, it has done wonders for my back pain!
METROPLEX, Texas -- Podunk University was sued Monday for consumer fraud by the Texas Attorney General's Office after it granted a bachelor's degree to a pet cat. Apparently the owner of the cat paid $6,511.00 for a B.S. degree for Minerva A. Vermin--actually a 3-year-old calico cat--claiming she had experience that included bebe-sitting and sewage management. On the university's website, the school says it awards degrees "to individuals with the same working knowledge as a recent college graduate from a traditional university." The school lost its accreditation in 1998 after graduating an accounting student who could not even balance her own checkbook.
i went to the doctor today to have my ongoing musculoskeletal problems re-evaluated. dr. doom didn't give me any new medications, but he did lay out a program to rehabilitate my age-withered body. it is his hope that, with time, my body will recuperate and i'll be back to 100% (for a 30 year old anyway)
the doc gave me a list of assistive devices to purchase at CVS that will take pressure off of my musculoskeletal system and allow it to heal. it wasn't cheap, but i'm starting to feel better already:
i bought
back braces for my thoracic and lumbar regions
hip brace for my sore hip joints
ankle brace to support my stress fracture
orthopedic boots to deal with sore feet and shin spints
a cane for overall back support
a portable nebulizer and sinus mask to deal with recurring sinus pressure and headaches
prescription bipolarized sunglasses to correct my failing vision and ward off migranes
wrist brace for wrist pain
neck massager, to keep my cervical area limber
[these two are mine actually--to overcome the ravages of time] Revlon Split End treatment to treat split ends (obviously) and Epoch Glacial mud treatment for those pesky crows feet
shoulder splints for trapezial support
knee brace for my sore knees
and a whole body heating pad for general comfort and limberness
Mr. Wonderful is skeptical, and, frankly, i find his lack of faith disturbing
and don't forget to vote--there are 2 endings
(the people who voted "draw" wasted their votes--those votes will be reallocated according to a secret formula devised by a panel of anonymous bloggers--hee hee)
last Wednesday night, Frank picked me up at the airport and brought me home to all my sweet surprises. i told Frank to wake me up at 6 so i could make him a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner. funny how the words "i make fabulous dinner" always evoke the words "whatever you want, sweetie."
i really only encountered one issue while making the feast. i wasn't used to the temperature settings on Frank's stove and oven. anyway, dinner was finally ready around 3:30. i made all this:
here i am next to my first turkey, sans makeup, with the apron Mr. Wonderful made for me:
and here's Frank after dinner, making desert:
it was a beautiful day. the smell of smoke has nearly left Frank's house.
i've noticed a disturbing trend lately of people mispelling "ya'll" as "y'all" the proper spelling is "ya'll" ya'll, so get it straight and keep it straight
"ya'll" is a contraction of "ya all" "ya" as in "how ya doin'" and "ya comin' with"
"y'all" is not a contraction, because there is no such phrase as "you all" to contract the plural form of you is you, end of story it used to be thee, but that disappeared in the 1600s
it is one thing to contract a slang word with a pronoun, and quite another to attempt to contract a phrase that does not even exist
if this explanation is not good enough for you, take this
1. a government body has decreed that "ya'll" is the correct spelling
the texas department of transportation uses "ya'll" on its signs
2. the queen of the south, Dolly Parton uses "ya'll"
signs at dollywood say "ya'll come back now" at the exit
3. the princess of the south, Britney Spears uses "ya'll"
LETTER TO HER FANS DATED 9/30/2004:
Hi Everyone!
I just wanted to let ya'll know that I am still working on my first posting for the website . . . What do ya'll think?
this is a new weekly feature on mountaineermusing--each week i will be listing highly recommended DVDs that you can get from netflix
now, i'm not going to recommend the obvious stuff--if you don't already know which megahit movies to rent at the local blockbuster, you're probably too stupid to even find this site
no, these will be true classics. things you likely will have never heard of before, but will benefit from watching
this weeks entry--Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
this low-low-low-budget romp from the makers of Harry Knuckles and the Treasure of the Aztec Mummy (which also can be obtained on Netflix--it is on a disc with some other short independent films--is a real sream
the title isn't a joke or a play on words folks. it means exactly what it says. Jesus is called into the modern world to take care of some vampires who are up to no good. after getting a makeover at the local piercing parlor, and with the help of his mexican wrestling superstar friend Santo, Mr. Christ kick's butt all over the place. part comedy, part horror, part kung-fu action flick, and part musical, this movie is a great way to spend a saturday evening.
my favorite moment is when one of the vampires kicks Mr. Christ in the chest, with seemingly no effect, and he says "Body of Christ!" and adopts a kung fu stance.
also watch out for a small cameo by God.
i give it five out of five pinkytoes! put it on your queues right now musers! you won't regret it!
the new nick & jessica x-mas special is on tonight! they are SO FUNNY, and i just love the way jessica contorts her face while she sings like she is getting bamboo shoved under her fingernails. also don't forget, the uglier and less talented simpson will also be performing (lip synching no doubt).
