if i knew all the
letters, i could spell my name. (jason mraz, 0% talent)
i'm lamer than my fans give me credit for (john mayer, lamer than my
fans)
i bare my windowed self, untamed and untalented . . . (jason mraz)
don't try to tune my guitar, i'm tone deaf (evanescence, goodbye)
see, you and me have a better time when the radio is off (DuMB, the
best
of what's around)
another whole
box of
pandora's
There's something in the
way you sing that makes me feel ill, your lyrics
confuse me, you and your thesis abuse my brain . . . after an
afternoon
with you my ears bleed red (jason mraz, after an afternoon of bad
music)
Your music weighs on me as heavy as stone . . . I was just wondering
if
you'd come along to hold up my hair in the bathroom after I listen to
your
album . . . I'll do the same if the same's what you want . . . (DuMB,
the
stoner)
i'm terrible about reading entire e-mails or letters -- i generally just skim over them, often missing key bits of information
to wit, solveig and i are going to cinderella on december (update: 9th!), 2005 at 8:00 p.m. in northeast dallas -- i invited kris of gradualdazzle along, and when she said yes, i immediately bought the tickets (including one for her) -- not realizing that she had sent a second message 30 seconds later indicating she could not go due to a prior engagement she had forgotten about
so . . . now i have an extra cinderella ticket -- anyone want to go? maybe maggie katzen can think of someone who could use a free ticket (?)
so i'm trying to pick a place for us to stay next week, and it seems like hardly any of these hotels have indoor swimming pools -- i can't stay at a hotel where we can't go swimming -- that would just be stupid -- solveig has a lot of energy (as you can see in the post below) and i need to get that worked out of her someway or she is going to be spinning in circles in the hotel room
most all of these places have outdoor pools -- are these things actually open in the "winter season" -- i don't have any problem at all swimming in a heated outdoor pool as long as it is 60 degrees or warmer, but i have a feeling that texans have very different ideas than i on what "warm" and "cold" is -- anyone know if the dallas hotels keep their outdoor pools open?
update: yeah we're lame
after much moaning and gnashing of teeth, we've finally settled on where we are staying -- it worked out that the Holiday Inn DFW/car rental package through hotwire.com was by far the cheapest -- only $200 for four days! -- it's not as conveniant as other places i looked at, but its familiar and cheap -- that outdoor pool better be turned on, that's all i can say!
we'll be getting into Dallas on Thursday, December 8, 2005 at 2:15 p.m.; and we'll be leaving on Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 2:45 p.m.
we'll try to track down sarah and frank on thursday, go to the zoo friday, probably go to cinderella friday night (though i have to double check with maggie katzen on age appropriateness--solveig can be noisey!), see the grassy knoll on saturday morning, liveblog the wedding on saturday, and do who knows what on sunday morning -- then we'll leave, and i'll never return to dallas again!
i ordered solveig that rainbow brite dog she wanted, and how does she repay me? she steps on my laptop, smashing the lcd screen. then she's been going around singing a parody of a song she learned in christian preschool -- she sings the first part correctly "along comes jesus . . . " and then adds in ". . . turning into poopy"
but when i heard that Enya has a new album coming out Tuesday, i got soooo excited. i have every one of her CDs except the Greatest Hits, and i have the original tracks from that.
BUBBLES ARE RETARDED. STUPID. TRENDY. I HATE TRENDY. there's only so much trendy i can take. I'M WEARING A VEIL, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME HAVE BUBBLES. i won't do it.
what do ya'll think? i like it. i think it's a little fat-headed on top, but other than that i'm pleased. i might add a little ribbon, cut off its b***s, tape its mouth shut, hot glue the loose parts and go with it.
i ordered the wedding napkins this morning. wasn't sure what date to put on them, so i put March 12, 1871, the day President William McKinley married Ida Saxton.
well, year one is coming to end--november 22, 2004 is the first date when people besides frank and i saw it, but it actually was up and running the week before that so i could build up a dozen or so posts for the launch date.
where did it all begin? well, frank asked me to do a pic of sarah in a yankees outfit, which i did, but then i also added in an entire parody website--the election was over, i was totally burned out on politics, i was bored and desperately needed a distraction for reasons i won't go into, so . . . there you have it. why it has gone on so long, i'm not entirely sure. it's a year later, there are 260 posts (yes, that seems impossible, but that is how many there are--and that is after i culled about 30 posts that really didn't relate to this website!), and there have been nearly 90,000 visits (on a website that i have gone out of my way not to promote!). i occasionally think "this is nuts, let's wrap it up", but it is easy to do (the hard part was learning photoshop the 2.5 years prior to this site launching), and provides a creative outlet. it's also satisfying from the sense that i get far more out of entertaining a core group of people that i know (as much as you can "know" people in this situation), then it is to entertain thousands of anonymous strangers.
so, will i keep doing it?--we'll see. i hear wonkette is looking for a parodist . . .
this one makes fun of the alias pilot, where sidney SOMEHOW brings that device into the u.s. via commercial airline--totally unbelievable--i can only suspend disbelief so far--that is actually the orlando airport in the background--i use authentic pics where i can--the perspective on that x-ray machine is really screwed up--its harder to find source pics of xray machines than you might think
this one is technically good--a lot of the various tricks i've picked up on are used in this one--i don't know that it is especially funny, but it looks darn good--i also dont' know if you can even get grease that hot--i should have checked on the proper temperature for cooking fries
this one looks bad, but appeals to me--this dog was in the peace gallery, which i took apart piece by piece in a post--i don't think the imao people really got it, but then again, many of them are humorless prats who aren't happy unless they are tongue shining frank's boots
what can i say--u love it or hate it--i love it
i love the norman rockwell-ish look of this one--this is from an old gov't poster
the 'stache
who isn't terrified of creatures sneaking in through the drain pipe? this is a classic example of me imagining something in a photo that isn't there--who knows where it comes from
my favorite part of this is the longhorns in the texas restroom stall
frank getting kicked in the family jewels--great
this one was floating around in my head for about 8 months--i finally got around to making it--i like the "metroplex bail bonds" sponsor--very "bad news bears"
i love the title of this album (which i made up)--it is so cheesey and inspired--no one else seems to appreciate it as much as do--but what do they know anyway?
i guess you have to be at least in your 30s to remember when dwarf throwing was all the rage--in this PC day, you can't get away with stuff like this
a cat holding a gun--a surreal thought that popped into my head the moment i saw this pic
and now the top ten!
10. this is SO OBVIOUS--but the dead animals make it work, the joke being, in attempting to hit the broadside of a barn, she misses badly and kills off the barnyard creatures
9.
i suppose a group of people at dinner automatically calls to mind the last supper painting, which was the inspiration for showing sarah with all these nerdy engineers--the abacus was one of those small details that just kind of comes out of nowhere--my brain must be wired funny
8. frank and his "bling bling"--the scrappleface hat is my favorite part--sidnei has a tear tatoo, signifying that she has killed someone--i think frank may have a gold tooth, but in the process of shrinking it the detail was lost
7. for the life of me, i don't know where this one came from
6. this is so disturbing--sometimes i look at a picture and see something bizarre in my mind, and sometimes i think of an idea first and piece it togther--i prefer the former method--the fact that frank often appears on mm in various stages of undress frightens me too
5. every time i look at this photo i swear i can smell cigarette smoke and booze, and hear some frank sinatra playing on a jukebox in the far off background, specifically . . .
It's quarter to three, There's no one in the place 'cept you and me So set 'em' up joe I got a little story I think you oughtta know
We're drinking my friend To the end of a brief episode So make it one for my baby And one more for the road
4. sometimes i come across odd pics, don't have any immediate use for them, but save them into a "source pic file"--i think i had this pic of a highlander dancer saved for a few months before i thought of a good use for it--i don't recognize that pic of sarah--it almost looks like wonkette!--there are probably 5 photos of her i typically use, mostly because there aren't that many of good enough quality available, and that isn't one of them
3. bebe as a world war i ace--how can you go wrong with that?
2. this one got a huge response--the whole idea of the astrodome appealed greatly to me--it makes me think of jet packs and evil knieval and wide world of sports and howard cosell--i think the whole risawn v. sarah thing came out of a post that sarah did about the "not sorry pic" -- i'll be revisiting this subject again in the future--i've had the third chapter in that battle in my head for at least 6 months, but have never gotten around to making it--scrappleface as the sponsor is my favorite part
1. i must be a sadist--the idea of a cat, who doesn't want to be in a vehicle in the first place, getting involved in an automotive mishap, is just plain funny -- that isn't actually bebe--it is a white cat, and i just added in her markings--so in a sense, it really is a stunt double
i'm going to wear flip-flops in the wedding. just so happens, this is Florida, so they had ivory satin flip-flops with rhinestones down the middles of the straps. and after i string pearls on either side of the rhinestones, the flip-flop straps will look exactly like the wedding gown straps.
sarahk couldn't figure out how to click "allow popups from this website", so i changed the comments to pop up in the same window -- it's annoying, but we need to be patient with her during this stressful time . . .
